Defining confidence for yourself
Earlier this week, my good friend Laurel posted an article on LinkedIn about women and confidence in the workplace.
How Confidence is Weaponized Against Women, from Harvard Business Review.
The article talks about the same things we’ve heard before – how women are penalized in the workplace for not being confident enough, but demonized for being too confident. After reading the article, I felt motivated to use very unprofessional language (“toxic f*ckery”) but instead I did some deep thinking around the idea of confidence.
If people – not just women – are going to have their performance at work judged on a criteria like confidence, then the organization needs to define what confidence means in their workplace. Given that the word is so subjective, it requires a strong definition to ensure that everyone is being assessed fairly.
I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.
But then I got to thinking, what is confidence anyway?
It’s one of those qualities that’s hard to define, but we know it when we see it.
We’re all very attuned to false confidence or bravado. Sadly, I suspect that type of behaviour gets noted as real confidence on some of those performance reviews.
Developing real confidence in ourselves is key to feeling good in both our personal and professional lives, regardless of whether or not we work in a role where our success depends on the confidence we exude.
I often coach clients who want to increase their confidence, and there are many ways to do this. But the first, essential step is this: you need to believe that you can develop self-confidence. And the second is that you need to be brave enough to step into it.
Brave? Yes, confidence requires bravery.
We all have limiting beliefs that feel protective. Believing that you lack confidence can be an example of one of those. If you actually build your own self-confidence and then step into it and OWN it, that’s an incredibly powerful place to be. But it also takes away one of our hiding places. Hence the requirement for bravery.
The second step is to create a vision for yourself of what you will experience when you have more confidence. Understanding your own WHY will motivate you.
It would be helpful to step away from corporate definitions of confidence, and find our own version of what it looks like to be confident.
Think of people who have confidence in ways that you admire and use them as inspiration.
Remember a time when you felt confident. What was happening? How did you behave?
Keep in mind that appearing confident and feeling confident might be two different things. This might be a time to use “fake it till you make it.”
When you can measure your confidence by your own standards, you’ll feel so much more resilient in the face of people or situations that challenge you. Ideally your confidence will inspire others to feel more comfortable and confident themselves.
Your version of confidence won’t always fit with that of every organization or every person. You need to be confident in your own confidence.